


The Spider Incident

by Silverstar1



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Alan is a walking disaster, And by that I mean there is no angst, Arachnophobia, Attempt at Humor, Brains is only there for a second, But I couldn't leave him out, Comedy, Despite claiming to be bad at comedy the author continues to write it, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Family, Gordon is no help whatsoever, He's just here to laugh, I said what I said and I stand by it, John is Tired, No spiders were harmed in the making of this fic, Scott: so get rid of it??, Scott: then perish, Spiders are terrifying, Virgil is scared of spiders, Virgil: I would literally rather die than touch it, Virgil: there is a spider, Which is surprising, Who even am I anymore?, and you cannot convince me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29637231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverstar1/pseuds/Silverstar1
Summary: It takes a certain kind of bravery to save the world... it takes a different kind of bravery to remove a spider from the shower. Or: there is a spider, and the Tracy boys are disasters.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	The Spider Incident

It usually took Scott a good couple of hours to calm down enough from the adrenaline high of a rescue to be able to sleep, so when his door crashed open and slammed into the wall hard enough to send a photo-frame falling off his desk and a small dusting of paint fluttering to the floor, he was already awake.

He'd come in from a mission that had sent him to the heart of Europe – although surprisingly not in the mountainous region this time – and after grabbing a plate of leftovers from the microwave, he was now sat in bed with the duvet wrapped around his shoulders, attempting to study the new plans Brains had drawn up for One's latest upgrades. He'd dimmed the lights to a dull glow, golden warmth spilling about the room and latching onto the shadows that lurked in the corners. A thin beam of silver moonlight slid through the curtains. Brains' ideas were, as ever, phenomenal and Scott found himself eager to start work on his Thunderbird. He reached across and smacked the clock until it presented the time – it was around nine, so Brains would still be in his lab. Scott had half a mind to go and ask him about it.

A strangled scream echoed through the villa. The walls were thick to try and reduce the noise produced by the Thunderbirds when they took off, so whoever had cried out had been very loud. Sudden screams were not uncommon on Tracy Island, especially when Gordon and Alan had been plotting – and come to think of it, those two hadn't been very busy recently – so Scott didn't pay much attention until his door flung open and smashed into the wall with a tremendous thud. He jumped at the sudden sound, narrowly avoided leaping to his feet on instinct, and seized the tablet in his hands, holding it aloft like a shield.

Virgil stood in the doorway, sporting a terrific mess of bed-hair, wide-eyed and panting. He was dressed in only a pair of sweatpants, his shirt apparently having run off somewhere. Scott raised a brow at him as he waved a shaking hand. "I need to use your shower."

Scott stared at him. "What?"

"I need to use your shower," Virgil repeated. Another dusting of paint flitted to the ground at his feet, settling across the carpet like icing sugar, and he shot a guilty look up at the ceiling. "Please."

Scott deposited the tablet on the table next to him and sat up. "Why?" Their rooms – minus Alan's and John's – all had en-suites attached to them and as far as he was aware, Virgil's shower was in perfect working order. He grinned. "Did Gordon fill yours with paint again?"

"What?" Virgil shook his head, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "No. I'm about to go on shift and I want a shower before I do."

"Okay." Scott dragged the word out, leaning forwards to try and inspect his brother. He still was none the wiser as to what was going on and why Virgil had come barging into his room as loudly as a herd of rampaging buffalo. "So why not use the perfectly good shower that you have in your own room?"

Virgil mumbled something under his breath and suddenly became very interested in the carpet which, coincidentally, was going to need a clean after the nice coating of paint that was now clinging to it. To be fair, Scott had forgotten to take his boots off after a rescue last week, so there were a couple of suspicious muddy footprints trailing across it too.

"What?" Scott frowned, peering closer. "Are you shaking?" Now he was concerned. "Virg, what's wrong?"

Virgil stared at the ceiling, scrubbed a hand through his hair and then muttered again.

"I can't hear you."

"There's a spider, alright?" Virgil burst out, glaring at him. "It's massive." He narrowed his eyes. "I swear to god Scott, if you start laughing at me…"

Scott clapped a hand to his mouth, trying desperately to muffle his laughter. "Me? Laughing? No." He tried to keep a straight face and failed spectacularly. "So…um…you…all six-foot-plus of you…won't use your own shower because there's a spider in it."

Virgil buried his face in his hands and groaned. "I hate you."

"I didn't make fun of you!"

"Scott, you're laughing into your pillow."

Scott dropped the pillow like it had burnt him. It landed with a sad thump on the floor. "Alright, is this better?"

"No, now you're openly laughing at me." Virgil gestured wildly, indignation clear across his face. He launched the pillow at his brother. "You're not even trying to hide it now."

Scott didn't even bother to conceal his smile. A faint squeak escaped his hands as he attempted to stop laughing. "I'm sorry. This must be a truly traumatising experience for you."

Virgil sank to the floor, a genuine whine escaping him. "I should have asked John instead."

"You were going to call John down from Space for a spider?" Scott was practically falling off the bed with laughter. "That is priceless."

"I hate all of you," Virgil mumbled into his hands. "You especially. You, Scott Tracy, are a wicked, evil human being, with no sympathy for anyone."

"Well…" Scott began slowly, voice brimming with amusement. "At least I'm not a spider."

Virgil lifted his head and glared. It wasn't intimidating in the slightest for a multitude of reasons, including but not limited to the fact that his hair currently resembled an agitated hedgehog and that a couple of nights ago he'd been caught crying whilst watching The Notebook, hugging the fluffiest pillow in the entire villa to his chest.

Scott finally took notice of the genuine uncertainty in his brother's gaze and sighed, kicking his duvet back and padding over to the doorway. "Come on," he coaxed, offering a hand to help Virgil up. "Show me this spider."

"It's a bloody mutant," Virgil growled, but accepted the hand, tugging himself to his feet and leading the way back to his own room.

"A mutant, huh?" Scott replied good-naturedly, closing his door behind them in case Gordon and Alan were on the prowl.

Virgil hesitated in front of his room, hand hovering over the handle. "Yeah," he continued with a fearful look towards the door. "No normal spider should be that big."

"I'm sure it's not a mutant."

"Get back to me on that once you've actually seen the damn thing."

It immediately became apparent that the spider had taken him by surprise; it was no secret that Virgil and John were the most organised of the family, with Gordon and Alan acting as their polar opposites – really; Alan couldn't even sleep in his own bed most nights due to the simple fact that there was so much stuff piled on top of it - but currently Virgil's usually organised room was in complete chaos. Wardrobe doors were swinging in the breeze from the window, a pile of hangers collapsed in a heap of tangled clothes where someone had clearly fallen into them in a mad dash of panic. Even the bedsheets were entwined in a tight ball of anxiety, half draped over the end of the mattress as though attempting to flee. The missing shirt was discarded half-way across the floor and the bathroom door was flung open, a trail of tipped-over shampoo bottles acting as a mock barrier for the crime scene. The only piece of furniture that appeared to have escaped the tornado of panic that was one Virgil Tracy was the desk, although it was the most unorganised item in the room on an ordinary day – it represented a cheap stained-glass window with a patchwork of old paint splashes scattered across the surface; no matter how hard Virgil scrubbed at them, they never seemed to pry away from the wood – and was littered in sketchbooks even now.

Scott nudged a sock out of the way with his foot. "Wow," he commented, fighting to hide his smile. "It really took you by surprise, huh?"

Virgil crossed his arms, shivering slightly in the breeze from the window. If the state of his room was bothering him at all, then he didn't show it, instead stepping as far into the disaster zone as he dared. He waved a hand in the direction of the bathroom. "It's in there."

For the first time, Scott hesitated. "Is this a prank?" He twisted round to try and catch Virgil's eye. "Am I going to walk in there and something will land on my head?"

Virgil looked affronted. "I'm not Gordon." He sighed, relenting. "No, Scott, I'm genuinely too scared to use my shower because there's a giant spider in there."

"Right." Scott eased the door open a little further and picked his way through the bottles. At first he didn't glimpse anything out of the ordinary – towels draped over the heated-rail, various hair products lined up along the sink, a random post-it note stuck to the tiles with a smiley face scrawled across it – but then he turned and saw it.

Virgil peered over his shoulder. "Can you see it?"

"Holy shit." Scott stared at the shower in fascination. "It's pretty hard not to see it."

There was a shudder. "Believe me," Virgil muttered darkly, "I know. It sort of came at me like this when I was about to get in." He made a vague crawling gesture with his hands and Scott looked at him blankly. "That was the spider," Virgil clarified.

"I was wondering."

"Oh, I could tell."

"Remind me never to team up with you for charades."

Virgil opened his mouth to protest when a sudden movement in the shower caught his eye. "It's moving," he yelped and ducked back into his bedroom, narrowly avoiding tripping over the mess of bottles and clothes on the floor.

Scott tried to get a better look at the fiend in question. It was easily one of the largest spiders he had ever seen, if not the largest, with long bristly legs stretching out to almost half the width of the shower. A pair of twitching fangs quivered as it rose up and sized him up with hundreds of glittering eyes as dark as hellish pits. For the first time, Scott began to feel somewhat unnerved and made a grab for the door. This would have been perfectly fine, and he could probably have escaped easily enough had the spider not suddenly made a mad lunge for him, launching itself from the shower like a gazelle.

Virgil gave a strangled cry and slammed the door shut in a feeble attempt to save himself. Scott stumbled backwards and smacked his hand against it.

"Virgil!"

"It jumped."

Scott flattened himself against the door. The spider scuttled closer. "I know," he hissed, "and it's coming at me so if you could open the door, it would be appreciated."

"What? No!" Virgil sounded horrified. His voice was muffled through the door. "It might escape!"

Scott muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath. "So help me," he growled, "if you don't let me out right this goddam second…" The spider gathered its legs underneath its torso and sprang towards him. "Virgil, oh my god, open the frickin' door!"

Virgil had, apparently, decided that he felt a bit guilty about the idea of sacrificing his brother to the harbinger-of-death hiding in his bathroom, and opened the door for a split-second. Scott tumbled through and slammed it shut after him with one frantic kick.

For a moment, silence fell. Scott flopped onto his back, still panting. "Well," he said, running a shaking hand through his hair and trying to act as stoic as possible. "That was interesting."

"I told you," Virgil replied with a glowering look towards the bathroom. "It's a mutant."

"It is big," Scott admitted.

"Big? That thing makes Thunderbird Two seem small."

"That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"

"You tell me – it almost ate you too."

Scott knocked his head back against the floor. "We're going to need reinforcements."

-

Gordon was – and always had been – drawn to chaos, so when he heard clattering and muttered voices coming from the kitchen, he naturally had to follow the sounds. There was, of course, the distinct risk that it was Grandma attempting to develop another one of her…creations and the idea of being one of her test subjects made him nauseous without even seeing whatever she had cooked up, but curiosity won out. He slunk into the room, keeping close to the wall – having an open plan house had its disadvantages when it came to sneaking up on people – and peered over the edge of the counter.

The cupboard doors were all flung open as though a demonic entity had raided their kitchen. Gordon leant a little further over the counter and glimpsed not a demon, but rather a certain older brother disappeared halfway under the sink. There were a few muffled curses escaping and the flash of blue shirt revealed that it was Scott. To his left, Virgil was sat against the fridge, a small pile of apparently random items heaped around him. More debris trailed from the other cupboards, discarded by Scott's feet. Virgil was clinging to a mop, an expression of apprehension visible through his frown and the white-knuckle grip he had on the handle.

Gordon watched his brothers inquisitively for a moment longer. "What are you doing?" he finally asked. The effect was instantaneous – neither Scott nor Virgil had noticed him, and the sudden voice took them by surprise. Scott bolted upright and smacked his head on the roof of the cupboard with an audible thump. Gordon winced in sympathy. "Sorry, Scooter."

Virgil brandished the nearest item to him – a rainbow feather duster - and glared at him. "What do you want, Gordon?"

Gordon sprang onto the counter and snatched up an apple from the fruit bowl after a moment of deliberation. There was a pained whine from the cupboard and then a bedraggled-looking Scott appeared, rubbing the back of his head.

Virgil took the bug-spray his brother held out. "You okay?"

"I think that knocked out the last brain cell I had left."

Gordon sniggered. "What happened to all the others?"

"They gave up on life after having to deal with you for twenty-one years."

Gordon gave a mock gasp of offence. "Rude." He took a bite of the apple. "Anyway," he peered down at the pile that Virgil held a protective arm in front of. "What's all this?" He slid down from the counter and landed lightly in front of the collection, poking at a dustpan dubiously.

"Weapons," Virgil announced, closing his eyes and knocking his head back against the cupboard as though trying to wake himself up from a bad dream.

"Uh, okay?" Gordon took another bite of the apple. "Why are you collecting weapons?" he asked through the mouthful.

"There's a giant spider holding Virgil's shower hostage," Scott replied gravely, earning a humiliated groan from the brother in question.

Gordon paused. "Are you having me on?"

"God, I wish," Virgil mumbled through his hands.

"Is that why you're not wearing a shirt?"

Virgil lifted his head from his knees and glowered at him. "Gordon, shut up."

"I'm just asking!" Gordon raised his hands in a peace-offering. "Jeez, touchy much?"

"A tarantula tried to kill me, I think I'm allowed to be annoyed."

Scott discarded a can of ant-repellent in favour of a broom. "You locked me in the bathroom with it, if anyone's allowed to be angry then it's me."

"Wait, what?" Gordon burst out in astonished laughter. "You locked Scott in the bathroom with a spider?"

"I panicked, stop judging me."

Scott pointed the broom at his brother. "Oh, I'm judging all right."

"You guys do realise that it's not a tarantula, right?" Gordon shrugged as two pairs of eyes suddenly fell on him. "We don't have tarantulas on Tracy Island. Trust me, I would know." He raised a hand. "Wildlife nerd, remember?"

"You're mostly just a nerd about the sea," Scott commented, tucking the broom under his arm and reaching for a second can of insect-killer, just in case.

"Mostly," Gordon agreed. "But not only." He made a grab for a random spatula that appeared to have gravitated towards the pile. Virgil blocked his move with one outstretched foot. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Uh," Gordon looked down at the spatula and then back up at his brothers. "Helping?"

"No." Virgil shook his head. "Absolutely not."

"What? Why not?" Gordon made another grab for the spatula. "Aw, c'mon Virg, why can't I help?"

"Because you'll throw it at me!"

"No I won't." Gordon looked almost hurt by the accusation. "I'd never torture a living creature like that." A wicked grin dawned on his face. "That poor spider, imagine how traumatised it'd be if I threw it at you - being so close to the human manifestation of a trash can."

"I will throw you off a cliff."

"Ooh, goody."

"I hate you."

"Love you too bro." Gordon retrieved the spatula. "So, are we avenging Virgil's shower or not?"

-

Virgil really should have expected Alan to appear at this point, but somehow he had still managed to hold out hope. This hope quickly crashed and burned when Gordon gave an ear-splitting screech and sprinted down the corridor, spatula held aloft like a flag.

"What the hell was that?"

Gordon grinned impishly. "Battle cry." He sighed, hands on hips like a frustrated schoolteacher. "Virgil, mi hermano, you can't go into war without a good battle cry."

Virgil stared at him. "We're catching a spider, not re-enacting World War Two."

"Yes," Gordon pointed the spatula at him and tried to look as serious as humanly possible. Given this was Gordon, he didn't succeed. "But there could be casualties."

"Yeah, you," Virgil muttered at the same time as Scott replied cheerfully, "hopefully that'll be the spider."

Alan's door opened with a squeak and a bleary-eyed teenager peered out. "Why does it sound like you guys are murdering Gordon?"

Gordon pouted. "It was my battle cry," he sighed dramatically. "Heathens, all of you."

"Wow." Alan rubbed his eyes and yawned. "You sound like John." He pulled his door shut behind him, faint music disappearing as the lock clicked. "So, what's going on?"

"We're saving Virg from the eight-legged demon currently residing in his shower," Scott told him, looking entirely too pleased about the whole ordeal.

Virgil slid down the wall and landed on the floor with a thud. "Jeez, why don't we tell everyone? In fact, let's just make this a family bonding experience."

"We can't," Gordon pointed out. "John's not here."

"Is that the only reason?"

"Yep."

Virgil stared at him with a mixture of incredulity and pure horror; the line between the two was very blurred at this point. "You seriously consider killing a spider a family bonding experience?"

"You can't kill it!" Alan cried, indignation clear on his face. He flung an arm in front of Scott in a pitiful attempt to prevent his brother from taking another step as the eldest Tracy went to push the door open. "Scott, no!"

Brains appeared at the end of the hallway, glasses lopsided on his face and suspicious scorch-marks smeared down the side of his suit, MAX flitting about his heels. He froze upon catching sight of the scene in front of him; Alan dressed in obnoxiously bright PJs trying to pry Scott's hand away from the doorway, Virgil almost in tears with frustration where he was sat on the floor topless and Gordon flailing a spatula for no apparent reason.

"Oh, hi Brains." Scott waved at him.

Brains stared. Then he stared some more. "No." He turned on his heels. "No, I am n-not dealing with this r-right now."

There was silence as the scientist disappeared back in the general direction of his lab. Then Gordon began laughing hysterically. Virgil grabbed one of the pillows that had been dragged out of his room in the wake of his spider-induced panic and began smacking him with it. "Would you stop?"

"I'm sorry," Gordon spluttered between laughs, "I can't help it. Did you see his face?" He ducked another wild swing of the pillow. "Scott, Virgil's bullying me."

"Good."

"Scott!"

Scott gave a long-suffering sigh. "Virgil, stop hitting your brother."

"If I said he started it, what would you say?"

"I'd say you're a mature adult who should take the moral high ground."

"Mature adult?" Gordon repeated, gesturing at Virgil incredulously. "Him? He started laughing when I slipped and fell out the Pod into the sea. And don't get me started on the last rescue we did in Rio, because-"

Virgil clamped a hand over his mouth. "And that's enough of that."

"No, let him speak." Alan finally stepped away from the door. "What happened in Rio, Virg?"

"Classified information," Virgil told him before he yelped and snatched his hand back, shooting Gordon a disgusted look. "He licked me."

"You had your hand over my mouth."

"Now who's being immature?"

"Uh, guys?" Alan pointed at Virgil's room, where the door was swinging open. "Scott's gone in."

There were hundreds upon hundreds of jokes that Gordon decided to suppress once he caught sight of the destruction of the room in front of him – one glare from Virgil was warning enough. Scott was stood in the doorway of the bathroom, unmoving.

"Do you reckon he's scared or something?" Alan hissed across.

Gordon considered this. "No," he replied finally. "But Virg is."

Virgil, who was edging closer and closer to the relative safety of his bed, shot him a sobering look and Gordon waved cheerfully at him. It was at this point that any previous sense of calm in the room quickly descended into a torrent of panic and horror as Scott took one step back from the bathroom and announced in a much higher voice than usual:

"It's gone."

Virgil blinked. "What do you mean it's gone?"

"I mean," Scott whirled on him, gesturing for effect. "That it's gone. It's not there anymore. Bam, whoosh, sayonara, the spider has left the building, what I mean is that the damn thing's gone walkabout."

"Ah."

Alan raised his hand gingerly. "So," he began in a small voice. "If it's not in the shower, then where is it?"

"In the bath?" Gordon quipped and immediately got cuffed around the head for his troubles. Attempting to duck Virgil's flying hand a second time, he tripped over the stray shirt and was sent crashing to the ground in a mess of flailing arms and bad fashion choices.

Alan started laughing at him.

"Um…" Gordon was no longer quite so amused.

"Oh come on Gordo," Virgil told him. "I didn't hit you that hard."

"No, it's not that." Gordon, pale-faced and carefully backing away towards the door, pointed up at the ceiling. "I think I found the spider."

As if on cue, the spider plummeted from the ceiling. It landed on the carpet with all eight legs twitching, eyes glittering darkly as the arachnid began crawling towards them. Virgil gave a screech of terror and flung himself onto the bed.

"Holy shit," Alan said faintly. "That's uh…that's a big spider."

Gordon had been attempting to hold his ground but as the insanely large spider scuttled towards him, fangs blaring an evil scarlet in the light, he gave up. "Yeah, nope, I'm out." He made a wild dive for the bed, kicking Virgil's legs out the way to make room and drawing his feet up to ensure the spider couldn't reach him in any possible way.

Scott lifted the mop above his head and brought it down with a terrific crash. The spider avoided the impact zone and writhed across the carpet towards the bed.

"Kill it!" Virgil shrieked, scrambling backwards and pushing Gordon off the mattress as a sacrifice to the creature. The spider scuttled across the floor at a speed that couldn't be normal, and Gordon gave a horrified yell, panicking as the arachnid turned all its hundreds of beady little eyes on him.

"Oh god, oh god…" Turning, he flung himself at the nearest point of safety, which just so happened to be Scott. "Catch me!"

With less than a second to react, Scott dropped the mop as his brother came sailing through the air towards him. Alan, who had been standing by his side clinging to a can of insect repellent, gave a startled cry of both pain and outrage simultaneously as the weapon smashed onto his bare feet.

"Sorry," Scott shouted at him, stumbling backwards to try and compensate for the sudden extra weight as Gordon, still fleeing from the spider, wrapped his arms around his brother and tried to climb onto Scott's shoulders. "Gordon, get off!" Gordon scrabbled to maintain his grip, clinging to his brother like a koala, one foot catching Scott in the stomach and sending them both crashing to the carpet.

Virgil, who usually would have been a bit more concerned with the way that Scott had heavily whacked the back of his head against the floor, was still standing on the bed, howling.

"Get it!"

Alan gave a panicked yell, stringing profanities together as the spider made a beeline for him. All eight legs were outstretched, fangs quivering with rage. He held out the insect repellent and slammed his thumb down on the button, realising a second too late that he was holding it the wrong way around.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Hands clasped to his streaming eyes, Alan fumbled for the doorway, caught his foot on the tangled heap of limbs that was Gordon and Scott, and was sent sprawling to the floor.

"Move!" Gordon shrieked, smacking Scott in the face in his attempt to free himself. The spider paused, legs trembling with barely restrained fury as it located its new prey.

"Every man for himself," Scott yelled, finally dragging himself free of the flailing brother heaped on top of him. He flung himself towards the desk-chair, leaving Gordon panicking on the carpet.

"No!" Gordon scrambled backwards, tripped over Alan, and held out his hands in a desperate attempt to ward off the arachnid. "I'm too young to die! I have so much to live for."

"Like what?" Alan whimpered, rubbing at his eyes.

"I don't know! Waffles? Swimming?"

The spider paused in the centre of the room. Everyone held their breath as it turned, twisting and stalking and trembling with anger. Its gaze latched onto Virgil who shot a nervous look at Scott.

"It's fine," Scott reassured him. "It's down there and you're on the bed. There's no way it can jump that high."

"Famous last words," Gordon whispered as the spider curled its legs beneath it and launched itself into the air, landing mere centimetres from Virgil's bare feet.

"Oh my god!"

"Don't panic!" Gordon made a wild grab for the mop. "I've got this!" He raised it above his head triumphantly and promptly smashed the end of the pole into the lights. Shards of shattered glass rained down amidst frantic shouts from all around the room. Scott spat a curse and jumped down from his chair, dragging Gordon back before the aquanaut could step onto the broken fragments.

Virgil backed away until he hit the wall, the realisation that he was cornered by the beast in front of him crashing down in an icy wave. With no weapons left to defend himself with, he went for the only move left to him: full on freaking out. All hell broke loose for a second time, Alan still trying to figure what was going on through blurry vision and the tears on his face from the bug-spray. Through flashes of sight, he glimpsed a dark figure plunging into the fray.

The mop crashed down on the bed, scooping up the spider, and flinging it out of the window. It was a skilled and easy movement completed in a single fluid motion. Virgil, breathing heavily, finally stopping screaming and slid down the wall to collapse on his mattress, taking great care not to touch the sheets where the spider had contaminated them.

Silence fell. Slowly, four pairs of eyes turned to their saviour.

"Oh, hi." John, still dressed in his spacesuit, dropped the mop. It landed with a happy thud and Scott stared at it mutely. "I thought you could do with a hand."

"Aren't you supposed to be…you know...up there?" Scott pointed at the ceiling.

"Ha," Gordon mumbled. "That's the attic. John in the attic…aliens in the attic. Does no-one else see the joke there?"

Virgil kicked him.

"What are you doing here?" Scott tried again.

"Oh, I'm just doing my job," John announced brightly, an evil glint to his eye that suggested he would be using this as blackmail for a very long time. "You know? Rescuing people." He shrugged. "I just didn't think it would be my own brothers I would be saving."

Virgil wrapped his arms around himself, shaking slightly. "I just wanted a shower," he whimpered.

A small voice piped up. "Hey, yeah, uh, guys? I sprayed insect repellent into my eyes like five minutes ago and I still can't see. Should I be worried about that?"

"Oh my god, Alan!"


End file.
